Proverbs 27:10

Pro 27:10 Thine own friend, and thy father’s friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother’s house in the day of thy calamity: [for] better [is] a neighbour [that is] near than a brother far off.

Ver. 10. Thine own friend and thy father’s friend forsake not.] To forsake a friend, an old friend especially, is to forsake one’s self: for a friend is a second self, and friendship, as wine, is commendable from its oldness. What a price set Solomon upon Hiram, who had been his father’s friend; {1Ki 5:1-12} and how did he seek his love, as a precious inheritance left him, as it were, by his father; and how courteously, for his father’s sake, likewise dealt he with Abiathar, that had dealt disloyally with him.

Neither go into thy brother’s house.] Cajetan reads it, and perhaps better, Thy brother’s house will not come in the day of thy calamity, when thine old friend will visit thee and stick close to thee, as Jonathan did to David, and Onesiphorus to Paul. David complains of his carnal kindred, - "My lovers and my friends stand afar off from my sore, and mine acquaintance stand aloof," {Psa 88:18} as the priest and Levite did from the wounded man, when the Samaritan, a stranger, but a neighbour indeed, relieved him.

John Trapp, A Commentary or Exposition upon All the Books of the Old and New Testament (1647–1656) — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword module.

Pro_27:10

Better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off.

Sociability

This proverb points out that when assistance is needed the near neighbour, though he may love less, is more useful than the brother who is far away. Society is absolutely necessary for human existence. Companionship forces us to think and feel in common. A large-hearted sociability corrects irrational prejudices. As no two minds are exactly alike, so no two can see any subject from exactly the same standpoint. The greater number of minds we can bring to bear on any aspect of truth, the nearer shall we be to the aspect that is right. It may be objected that many think erroneously, and therefore companionship with them would lead us from, and not towards, the truth. It would if we adopted their opinions, but not if, by sifting and searching them, we grasped our own more firmly. The same holds true in the realm of Christian experience. Sociability is, then, a duty we all owe to society, one which we ought scrupulously to pay according to our means and our opportunities. About the nature of true sociability great mistakes are made. Amusement is not the first purpose of society. To be truly sociable we must be able to make society more Christian than it was; to infuse into it something more, however little, of the spirit of sympathy, truth, purity, and love than it had. But to do this we must have the spirit ourselves. We ought also to be able to make it more intellectual, by adding information, giving ideas, and stimulating to mental effort. Then we cannot always be in society. It is in solitude we gather those germs of thought that we are afterwards to scatter. The power we have of influencing society by our words is one whose value we cannot over-estimate, one that ought to be cultivated to the very highest pitch. The benefit derived from companionship must depend on the persons with whom we associate. Bad companions have led many to ruin. Sociability has a tendency to produce hypocrisy, and subsequent self-deception in certain characters. Conversation in society is, too often, neither true nor edifying. By insensible degrees the vapid talker becomes the idle gossip, and the gossip sinks into the envenomed slanderer. It is, then, in our power to influence society for good or ill. Sociability must be either a curse or a blessing as we use it. (J. McCann, D.D.)

Friendship

The Lord Jesus found strength and consolation in the love of human friends. That He should not only have pitied men, and loved them, but should have found here and there men and women whose presence and affection were a relief to Him, under the burden of His griefs; men and women who gave Him rest when He was weary, and joy when He was troubled; this may seem surprising to as. Christ Himself, the Son of the Eternal, had His human friends. He loved all men well enough to die for them, but there were some whom He loved more than others.

1. Some men are so happy as to inherit friends from their fathers. The love of our fathers friend is worth having. If he is a good man, there will be a certain power in him that will be a restraint to keep now in the good way your father would have approved. Your fathers experience of life survives in him to give you counsel. If he should ever be in trouble, pay your fathers debts in friendly attention to him.

2. Thine own friend forsake not. There are friends and friends. Most of our friends are acquaintances, and nothing more. Friendships of the perfect and ideal sort are necessarily rare. By friends we mean those for whom we have a strong affection, and who have a strong affection for us. A wise man said, I want my friends to stand by me when I am wrong; other people will stand by me when I am right. When you have friends of that sort, forsake them not. Keep them when you have them.

3. Friendships which fall far short of this ideal are also worth keeping. For the most part our friends must be people whose circumstances and education and history are very much like our own. There are people who drop a whole set of their friends whenever they get a considerable rise in their income. For the most part, close and real friendships must be formed early in life. When close friendships are formed after a man has passed middle life, it is usually with much younger persons.

4. Of the place and power of friendship in life, only those who have had and retained loyal and worthy friends, can have any real knowledge. Bacon says, Friendship redoubleth joys and cutteth grief in halves. Friendships assist to check and to subdue that selfish absorption in our own successes and in our own sorrows which poison the very springs of life and brings paralysis on all its nobler powers. Our confidence in their goodness and our delight in their affection save us from cynicism. We think the better of the human race because we think so well of them. When we do not absolutely accept the judgment of a friend, it clears our mind to discuss a difficult question with him. Our friends take the side of all that is best in us against whatever is mean and cowardly and dangerous; they serve the purpose of an external conscience. Our friends see us, not merely as we are, but as we might be.

5. The Christian will form his closest friendships with men who share his faith in Christ and his hope of immortality. Such friends will continue to be our friends in the realms that lie beyond death. (R. W. Dale, LL.D.)

Genuine friendship

I. Friendship is based of true love. Concord of sentiment, agreement of taste, unity of purpose, frequent companionship, are not enough. These may exist without the binding together of hearts. Love is the essential element of true friendship. For my friend first, and then for myself, is the spirit of true friendship. The idea of sacrifice is in friendship, and sacrifice is in the very nature of love.

II. Friendship is reciprocal in its growth and preservation. It cannot be a one-sided thing. Seneca said, Love if you wish to be loved. The atmosphere of suspicion or distrust is fatal to real friendship.

III. Genuine friendship strengthens in the time of trial. There is nothing like adversity to test lifes attachments. See some points of duty in true friendship. Do not encourage your friend to your secrets. If they are disclosed, see that you never betray them. There is a becoming reticence and dignity even in friendship. Do not think you can treat your friend anyhow because he is your friend. The dearest friendships cannot dispense with thoughtfulness, kindness, and politeness. Do not allow any trivial matter to interfere with your friendship. Do not forget to pray for, and seek, the spiritual welfare of your friend. As you believe in the power of prayer, pray for your friend. Cultivate close and endearing fellowship with the best Friend--the Friend of Sinners. (J. Hiles Hitchens, D.D.)

On friendship

Whatever relates to the behaviour of men in their social character is of great importance in religion. The duties which spring from that character form many branches of the great law of charity. True piety is not less friendly to men than zealous for the honour of God. Deal with the nature and duties of virtuous friendship, as closely connected with the true spirit of religion. Among mankind, friendships or connections are of different kinds. Some so-called friendships would better be called conspiracies. Some are but the connections of political parties. Private friendships flow from similarity of disposition, corresponding harmony of minds. Sincere and affectionate friendships form some of the greatest blessings of human life. The fundamental duties of true friendship are constancy and fidelity.

1. Do not expect perfection in any with whom you contract friendship. If we do, we shall be sure to meet with disappointments. Young people are apt to cherish romantic ideas, and to form impossible expectations. In the best persons, great and solid qualities counterbalance the common infirmities. To these qualities you should look in forming friendships; to good-sense and prudence; virtue, good-temper and steadiness of affection.

2. Do not be hurt by differences of opinion arising in intercourse with your friends. These are sure to occur. Perpetual uniformity of thought would become monotonous and insipid.

3. Cultivate openness of temper and manners. Nothing more certainly dissolves friendship than the jealousy which arises from darkness and concealment.

4. Cultivate gentle and obliging manners. It is a common error that familiar intimacy supersedes attention to the lesser duties of behaviour. Let no harshness, no appearance of neglect, no supercilious affectation of superiority, occur in the intercourse of friends. A tart reply, a proneness to rebuke, a captious and contradictious spirit, are often known to embitter domestic life and to set friends at variance.

5. Do not rashly listen to evil reports against your friends. Be slow of believing anything against the friend whom you have chosen. Suffer not the poison of jealousy easily to taint your mind and break your peace.

6. Do not desert your friend in danger or distress. When your friend is calumniated, then is the time openly and boldly to espouse his cause. The honourable zeal of friendship has, in every age, attracted the veneration of mankind. (Hugh Blair, D.D.)

Reasons for valuing true friendship

1. Because of the pleasure of it. There is a great deal of sweetness in consulting and conversing with a cordial friend. The sweetness of friendship lies not in hearty mirth, but in hearty counsel, faithful advice, sincerely given, and without flattery.

2. Because of the profit and advantage of it, especially in a day of calamity. Dont expect relief from a kinsman for kinsmans sake, but apply yourselves to your neighbours, who are at hand, and will be ready to help us at an exigence. (Matthew Henry.)

The friendship of God towards man, and man towards God

There is no friend like an old friend. It is the heat of a whole life that has melted together the hearts of those who have walked together the long walk of life as friends. It is possible for any who seek the Lord and His will to be reckoned among His friends. God is the Friend of man; and man is admitted to be the friend of God. What are the terms on which we should stand towards a friend? In hollow friendships two things are wanting, faith and love. But in the friendship we are permitted to cherish towards God these are the very corner-stones, an enlightened lively faith and a glowing active love. Are we enjoying the heavenly sunshine of this Divine fatherly friendship? If so, we shaft show it in our own faithful, affectionate life, as friends of God. Of all living agencies a friend is the most alive, the most alert. (Archdeacon Mildmay.)

Near and far off

The antithetical phrases, at hand and far off, have evident reference here, not to locality, but to disposition. A friendly and kindly-disposed neighbour, who bears no relation to us save that of neighbourhood, is greatly preferable to a brother--to any relation whatever--who is cold, distant, and alienated. Even natural affection requires to be exercised with discretion. When appealed to injudiciously, at improper times, in improper circumstances, and with improper frequency, it may be cooled, it may be lost, it may be turned to dislike. (R. Wardlaw, D.D.)

The Biblical Illustrator, edited by Joseph S. Exell (c. 1880s–1900s) — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword module.

Pro 27:10. Thine own friend, and thy father’s friend — Of whose friendship thou hast had long experience; forsake not — But betake thyself to him, when thou art in distress, rather than to thy natural brother or kinsman, if he be not also thy friend. For better is a neighbour — That is, a friend, such as is mentioned in the beginning of the verse, who hath showed himself to be a true and good neighbour; that is near — Namely, in affection; than a brother far off — Who is alienated in affection from thee.

Joseph Benson's Commentary on the Old and New Testaments (1811–1818) — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword module.

27:10 In a crisis, one might need immediate assistance, so it is important to have friends close by and neighbors who can help.

Tyndale Open Study Notes — © Tyndale Open Resources, licensed CC BY-SA 4.0. Text via the HelloAO Bible API.

Trust not to any worldly help in the day of thy trouble.

Geneva Bible (1599) marginal notes — public domain. Text via Bolls.life.

Adhere to tried friends. The ties of blood may be less reliable than those of genuine friendship.

Jamieson, Fausset & Brown — Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible (1871) — public domain (CC PDM 1.0). Text via the HelloAO Bible API.

Verse 10. Thine own friend] A well and long tried friend is invaluable. Him that has been a friend to thy family never forget, and never neglect. And, in the time of adversity, rather apply to such a one, than go to thy nearest relative, who keeps himself at a distance.

Adam Clarke's Commentary on the Bible (1810–1826) — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword/MySword module.

(10) Better is a neighbour that is near.—See above on Pro_17:17; Pro_18:24. “Near” and “far off”—i.e., in feeling.

A Bible Commentary for English Readers, edited by Charles John Ellicott (1878–1897) — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword module.

10. The aim of this proverb is not of course to depreciate natural affection, but to warn against pressing unduly the claims of kinship and blood relationship, on which, with the sanction of the Law of Moses, such store was set in the East. Do not think it necessary, says the writer, to seek out in thy time of trouble a kinsman, who may be far from thee in place and sympathy, when thou hast one near at hand, who though he be no kinsman is the tried friend of thyself and of thy father before thee. See Pro_17:17, Pro_18:24, and notes.

“Compare the following passage from Hesiod, Works and Days. 27:341:

Τὸν δὲ μάλιστα καλεῖν, ὄς τις σέθεν ἐγγύθι ναἰει·

Εἰ γάρ τοι καὶ χρῆμʼ ἐγχώριον ἄλλο γένηται,

Γείτονες ἄζωστοι ἔκιον, ζώσαντο δὲ πηοί.

‘Chiefly bid to thy feast the friend that dwelleth hard by thee; For should there chance to come a matter that toucheth the village, Neighbours will come in haste, while kinsmen leisurely gird them.’ ”

Dean Plumptre in Speaker’s Comm.

The Cambridge Bible for Schools and Colleges (gen. ed. J. J. S. Perowne; Cambridge University Press, 1878–1918) — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword module.

My son, be wise, and make my heart glad,.... That is, show thyself to be a wise man by thy words and actions; endeavour to get a good share of wisdom and knowledge, and make a good use of it, and that will rejoice my heart; as nothing more gladdens the heart of a parent than the wisdom and prudent behaviour of his son; see Pro 10:1;

that I may answer him that reproacheth me; with begetting a foolish son, or a wicked man; or making him such by ill examples; or through neglect of education; or by using too much severity in it.

John Gill's Exposition of the Whole Bible (1746–1763) — public domain (CC PDM 1.0). Text via the HelloAO Bible API.

“Better is a neighbor” who is really “near” in heart and spirit, than a brother who though closer by blood, is “far off” in feeling.

Albert Barnes' Notes on the Bible (1834–1885) — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword/MySword module.

Affliction. He will be less compassionate than a tried friend. --- Better, &c. This daily experience evinces. "Those who purchase land, should consider if there be plenty of water, and a neighbour." (Pliny, [Natural History?] xviii. 5.) --- The Persians honour most those who live nearest to them. (Herodotus i. 134.)

George Leo Haydock (1774–1849), Haydock's Catholic Family Bible and Commentary, 1859 edition — public domain. Excludes Psalms (Douay-Rheims chapter numbering differs from Protestant) and Deuterocanonical books (Catholic canon only).

Thy father’s friend, of whose friendship thou hast had long experience.

Neither go into thy brother’s house, to wit, for comfort and relief, and so as to forsake or neglect thy friend for him.

Better is a neighbour; the friend mentioned in the beginning of the verse, who hath showed himself to be a true and a good neighbour.

That is near; either,

1. In place by cohabitation. Or rather,

2. In affection, in which respect God is oft said to be near to the righteous, and far from the wicked.

Matthew Poole's English Annotations on the Holy Bible (1683–1685) — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword/MySword module.

10. Better is a neighbour that is near, etc. — The subject of friendship is continued. Muenscher has this pertinent note here: “In adversity the ties of consanguinity are not always to be depended upon. It is only long tried friends who can be confidently relied upon in such circumstances. Distance is apt to produce indifference even among relations; hence, a true friend (or a neighbour who is one in the full sense of the word) is more valuable and beneficial than a brother far away.”

Far off — May have a tropical sense — distant in affectionate feeling. Compare Pro_17:17; Pro_18:24.

Daniel D. Whedon (gen. ed.), Commentary on the Old and New Testaments (1874–1909) — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword module.

Another proverb, a tristich, in praise of friendship. It seems to be a combination of two maxims. Thine own friend, and thy father"s friend, forsake not. A father"s friend is one who is connected with a family by hereditary and ancestral bonds; filon patrwon . Septuagint. Such a one is to be cherished and regarded with the utmost affection. Neither go into thy brother"s house in the day of thy calamity. The tried friend is more likely to help and sympathize with you than even your own brother, for a friend is born for adversity, and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. (Pro_17:17 Pro_18:24, where see notes) The mere blood relationship, which is the result of circumstances over which one has had no control, is inferior to the affectionate connection which arises from moral considerations and is the effect of deliberate choice. We must remember, too, that the practice of polygamy, with the separate establishments of the various wives, greatly weakened the tie of brotherhood. There was little love between David"s sons; and Jonathan was far dearer to David himself than any of his numerous brothers were. Better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off. "Near" and "far off" may be taken as referring to feeling or to local position. In the former case the maxim says that a neighbour who is really attached to one by the bonds of affection is better than the closest relation who has no love or sympathy. In the latter view, the proverb enunciates the truth that a friend on the spot in time of calamity is more useful than a brother living at a distance (makra , Septuagint); one is sure of help at once from the former, while application to the latter must occasion delay, and may not be successful. Commentators quote Hesiod, Erg kai Hm , 341 To malista kalein ostiv seyen egguyenaiei Ei gar toi kai crhm egkwmion allo genhtai Geitonev azwstoi ekion zwsanto de phoi ..

The Pulpit Commentary (1880–1919), ed. H.D.M. Spence-Jones & Joseph S. Exell — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword module.

Neither go - For comfort and relief, so as to forsake thy friend for him. A neighbour - The friend, who hath shewed himself to be a good neighbour. Near - In affection.

John Wesley, Explanatory Notes Upon the Whole Bible (1754–1765) — public domain. Text via the GEBible commentary corpus.

Another proverb, consisting of three lines, in commendation of friendship:

Thine own friend and the friend of thy father forsake not,

And into thy brother's house go not in the day of thy misfortune -

Better is a near neighbour than a far-off brother.

In our editions רעך is incorrectly appointed with Pasek after it, so that the accent is Asla Legarmeh; the Pasek is, after the example of older editions, with Norzi, to be cancelled, so that only the conjunctive Asla remains; "thine own and the friend of thy father" denotes the family friend, like some family heirloom, descending from father to son. Such an old tried friend one must certainly not give up. The Kerı̂ changes the second ורעה into ורע, but ורעה (which, after the Masora in st. constr., retains its segol, Ewald, 211e) is also admissible, for a form of comparison (Hitzig) this רעה is not, but the fuller form of the abbreviated רע, from רעה, to take care of, to tend, to pasture - an infinitive formation (= רעי) like the Arab. cogn. râ'in a participial. Such a proved friend one ought certainly not to give up, and in the time of heavy trial (vid., regarding איד, Pro 1:26) one should go to him and not to a brother's house - it is by this supposed that, as Pro 18:24 says, there is a degree of friendship (cf. Pro 17:17) which in regard to attachment stands above that of mere fraternal relationship, and it is true; blood-relationship, viewed in itself, stands as a relationship of affection on natural grounds below friendship, which is a relationship of life on moral grounds. But does blood-relationship exclude friendship of soul? cannot my brother be at the same time my heart-friend? and is not friendship all the firmer when it has at the same time its roots in the spirit and in natural grounds? The poet seems to have said this, for in 10c, probably a popular saying (cf. "Besser Nachbar an der Wand als Bruder ber Land" [Better a neighbour by one's side than a brother abroad]), he gives to his advice a foundation, and at the same time a limitation which modifies its ruggedness. But Dchsel places (like Schultens) in קרוב and רחוק meanings which the words do not contain, for he interprets them of inward nearness and remoteness; and Zckler reads between the lines, for he remarks, a "near neighbour" is one who is near to the oppressed to counsel and help them, and a "distant brother" is one who with an unamiable disposition remains far from the oppressed. The state of the matter is simple. If one has a tried friend in neighbourly nearness, so in the time of distress, when he needs consolation and help, he must go to this friend, and not first to the house of a brother dwelling at a distance, for the former certainly does for us what the latter probably may and probably may not do for us.

Keil & Delitzsch — Biblical Commentary on the Old Testament (1861–1891) — public domain (CC PDM 1.0). Text via the HelloAO Bible API. (Old Testament only.)

Man without principle is the creature of caprice. His friendships have no warranted stability. The ointment soon loses its fragrance. The sweetness of hearty counsel (Pro 27:9 ) is forgotten. New friends gain influence; and even the father’s friend — the long-tried family friend — is forsaken. Solomon exemplified his own rule by cultivating kindly intercourse with Hiram, his father’s friend. (1Ki 5:1-10 .) The unprincipled contempt of this rule cost his foolish son his kingdom. (1Ki 12:6-19 .) If other things are better when new, a friend is better that is old and tried. (See Sir 9:10 .) For how can you trust an untried friend? Never forget his rare price. Never be tempted by the lure of advantage to incur the risk of losing him. His house, not thy brother’s, may be thy shelter in the day of thy calamity. (Pro 18:24 .) For though relationship ought to be the closest bond; yet, without a higher principle, selfishness will too often predominate. Joseph found far greater kindness among foreigners, than from his own kindred.†1 Jonathan’s affection afforded to David, what his brothers’ jealousy would never have given him.†2 The Savior found his most soothing sympathy in the day of his calamity, not in his brethren’s house, but in the persevering attachment of his devoted friends.†3 One friend and neighbor closely knit in unity, near at hand, and in readiness to assist, is better than a brother as far off in affection, as in distance.†4

’But if it be an indecency, and uncomeliness, and a very unfit thing — that is — contrary to the precept of studying "whatsoever is lovely, and thinking of these things" — to forsake my friend and my father’s friend: how much more horrid must it be to forsake my God, and my father’s God. "My father’s God shall not be my God."’†5 But was not I solemnly given up to this God at my first coming into the world? And was this transaction a trifle at the time, and to be regarded as a trifle at the end of life? How could Solomon ever forget the injunction of his aged parent — "Thou, my son, know thou the God of thy father"? (1Ch 28:9 .) Exquisitely beautiful is the picture of the venerable Patriarch, commending his friend and his father’s friend to his children for his heavenly blessing — "God, before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac did walk — the God which fed me all my life long unto this day — the Angel which redeemed me from all evil — bless the lads." (Gen 48:15-16 .) Here is a wise friend, who knows our need;†6 a sympathizing friend who feels our distress;†7 a mighty friend able to cover and provide;†8 a faithful friend, true to his word;†9 a fast friend, who will never leave. (Heb 13:5 .) Young people, do you know him as your father’s friend? Make him your own in the hearty receiving of his Gospel. Cleave to him. He will never disappoint you.

Footnotes:

†1 Gen 39:4, Gen 39:21 ; Gen 41:39-45, with Gen 37:4-18 .

†2 1Sa 20:1-42 . with 1Sa 17:28 .

†3 Luk 22:28, with Joh 7:3-5 .

†4 Bp. Patrick.

†5 Howe’s Works, vii. 529.

†6 Col 2:3.

†7 Psa 31:7.

†8 Isa 63:1. Mat 28:18 .

†9 Num 23:19. Rev 19:11 .

Charles Bridges, An Exposition of the Book of Proverbs (1846) — public domain. Text from a community e-Sword module.

your friend and your father’s friend The Holy One, blessed be He, Who is called a friend to Israel, and your father’s friend, for He endeared your forefathers.

Do not forsake And, if you do forsake Him, retribution will befall you.

and...your brother’s house Do not rely on the children of Esau and Ishmael that they should befriend you. We find that when Israel was exiled to Babylon, they would say to those who led them in neck irons, “We beg of you, lead us on the way of our brethren, the sons of Esau and Ishmael,” and the sons of Esau went out toward them and welcomed them with various kinds of salty foods and blown up flasks.

than a distant brother It is better that the One Who is near to those who call Him dwell among you than that you should come to your brother who distanced himself by saying (Gen. 27:41): “When the days of mourning for my father are at hand, etc.”

Rashi on the Tanakh — English translations: “The Judaica Press complete Tanach with Rashi, translated by A. J. Rosenberg” (CC BY 4.0); “Pentateuch with Rashi's commentary by M. Rosenbaum and A.M. Silbermann, 1929-1934” (public domain); “The Metsudah Tanach series, Lakewood, N.J” (CC BY 4.0); and “The Book of Joshua, Metsudah Publications, 1997” (CC BY 4.0). Text via Sefaria.